Reflections...

I'm 21, yet I feel like I haven't grown much since I became an adult. I feel like I haven't really begun to live life yet. I'm still at home, still in community college, still in my comfort zone. My grades are great, but not as good as they could be because I'm so scared of putting in so much work and getting so little out of it. I feel like I'll be stuck in my comfort zone for awhile no matter what I do. I still can't transfer yet, and I can't just move away and go to another community college somewhere else because I can't afford it. I'm struggling to find a job right now and although I'm applying to some office jobs, it seems like retail will be the only thing I can do because I don't have a degree. So here I am, in pretty much the same place as I was at 18. True, I am mentally stronger (and perhaps slightly saner) than I was 3 years ago, but not much else has changed. Granted, there are some things I don't want to change, like my relationship with Steve, and my friendships, and my family (although I would like to work on strengthening my relationship with them). But I feel like everyone around me has grown up, and I haven't. I always felt a bit more 'mature' than my peers, since I pretty much skipped over the binge drinking phase that most college students experienced, and because I feel like I get along with people who are older than me better than people my age. Now everyone is passing me by...graduating (or soon to be graduating), finding jobs that aren't retail, living away from home, traveling, and moving further away from the life they lived as adolescents. I feel like I should be doing more than what I'm currently doing, but I can't because I'm still stuck at home. I don't feel like I'm taken seriously as an adult yet...by myself, by my parents, by the rest of my family. But how can I move forward when so much in my life holds me back? I can't just get a bagillion units all of a sudden so I can go to San Diego right now. If I quit school and work full time so I can move out and be on my own, I'll be even further behind. I know I'm still young, and that I have years ahead of me, but I'm nowhere near where I want to be. I don't want to hear that I just need to take my time...I've taken too much time just getting to where I am now.